Habaneros

[Timmytree]

Grew a good crop of these bad boys this year!

Today I decided to use up the rest of the tomatoes and a few habaneros to make a hot relish. Skinned and boiled up the toms with a bit of vinegar and brown sugar, chopped 4 habaneros and put them through a garlic press to get all the juice out, then scraped off all the mush from the bottom of the press and added that, boiled again and then bottled. Left a little bit in a saucer for tasters. Just as I finished my neighbour turned up so kettle on for a cuppa and a chinwag and I forgot all about the relish.

She left and I went for a slash. That was mistake number 1.

2 minutes later my todger is tingling. I rearranged the gubbins in my boxers, had a good scratch. Then my nads start tingling.

After 5 minutes I'm in pain, real pain! My eyes are watering so I grab a hanky and wipe my face. Mistake number 2.Now my eyes start stinging, bloody hell this is torture but I realise what I've done, raw habanero juice on my hands and I didn't wash them!

Into the shower, cold water feels good on the plums but my eyes are driving me barmy, shower on my face, ok but then the plums catch fire again. Ok, a quick rush to the kitchen for a jug, fill it with cold water and drop the man vegetables in, face under the shower again, BLISS!!!

So far I've had 4 showers but each time the burn comes back, my tackle is red, my eyes are red and I daren't taste the bloody relish. I reckon it will strip paint. I'll give my ex a bottle and tell her its ketchup.

[eboswan]

Taste the sauce,if you want a burning anus in the morning too match the plums

[Blackbaronfish]

Your itching for another dip in the cattle trough aren't you

BBF

[GrandadG]

Bet you're glad you didn't scratch your arse Tim

[long jon]

If you go round his place and are offered home-made lemonade do remember what he's been bathing in the jug!